Warm Fuzzies, Girlfriends and Feeling whole January 8, 2018 15:49



Last Friday I had a full day planned with strict time constraints and a vision of how my day wanted to go.  I had a camp meeting with a friend that is leading a workshop on Saturday during camp to settle and lock in preparations.  The night before my other friend who I adore , texted and wanted to catch up too.  At first I said no , I shouldn't because I had that vision of how my day was gonna go and how I needed to setup for my event in Spokane.  I caved, I love this person and our friendship and I just couldn't say no.  

That morning up first was the camp meeting with an old friend.  She came prepared, she gave me a better picture of how her workshop was gonna go and it gave me so much clarity and excitement of what the campers are gonna receive.  My second meeting that I swoosh in was focused and even more enlightening because I was focused and enjoying every moment since I knew we didn't have much time .

As we all hugged goodbyes to take on our tasks for the day, I got in the car to head to my "work" commitment and I had so much on my mind and flowing happening in my brain.  But I was driving and I couldn't record anything or write anything down.  I was filled with such love and inspiration as the last couple of weeks have been going.   What in the world is going on !! I'm losing sleep over this stuff of newfound love and enlightment and wonder and insight .

Perhaps I am finally examining and UNBECOMING??? This feeling of enjoying these friends so much and talking about deep stuff or just being surrounded by like minded souls is just plain refreshing.  Well , part of it is when one is just in a place of ones own skin is my first guess and part just may be part of the flow of life when one reaches so many turning points.

As interesting as it is, Ive noticed that the people I have been enjoying the most is not neccesarily people you see all the time but for me they happen to be those friends you've known a long time that have always been around but your days and paths have been busy with just life in general. 

As I talked about in a past blog, about being your "Brand" and how its a reflection on who you are , I want to say this may be part 2 of that series.

Another dinner the past few weeks was a younger friend who Ive always known and admired for the life she has but we don't have a long history, just kind of a girl crush in that we are inspired by each other.

I am just enjoying my women friends soooo much and it has raised my radar so I have been contemplating on it quite a bit.   For me , one on one and small groups has always been my forte.  I always thought maybe it was because of my hearing and really being able to carry on conversations in small groups, but I think largely in that I have always loved knowing how people live their lives.  I'm not talking about in a gossip way.  I have always read autobiographies and I have always , always been moved by photos and the stories they tell.

I think a big part of my feelings these past few months and weeks is I'm feeling more me and even though Ive always been a very open person , It really is amazing when you let so many guards down and childhood protection armors many of us still walk around with. I want this feeling to never go away and I hope it stays forever.

Maybe all this unbecoming stuff is also full circle moments in which your past relationships or stories bear fruit to teach you how far you have come.  Or maybe they translate into a kind of love you can only see when your eyes are open. - Rebecca Armstrong

So , back to that camp meeting.....Kim is going to be doing a creative journaling class for this February camp peace within.  She had bought some materials that she will be bringing to camp and we got to talking about our grandmothers.  I have my grandmothers journals.  I told Kim that they were just about the weather but I don't know why I have kept them.  She said something so plain but so profound for me that it got me to thinking.

I told her that I did like the part of the calendar journals in which she has my name on the day of my birthday.  Its not much in plain site, which was my thinking but the fact that I have them and ended up with them is far more important than I know.   I think somewhat I was "chosen" to carry on the legend.  I don't have those amazing times with grandmother stories that most people have.  She wasn't that cookie baking, crocheting, homely person.  She was married five times and by the way, I have her wedding ring from her favorite husband and I know so little......I could go on and on about what little I know but what I'm trying to get at is , sometimes we dont know all the answers and sometimes you have more than you can see .  Sometimes love is blind and expectations are even blinder! Sometimes you are just chosen to carry on the souls before you just to show that you did and you still MATTER.

In closing, our days aren't always planned and sometimes we don't make any sense in our writing but we do it anyways.  If I hadn't changed my vision of the day perhaps I wouldn't have had the warm fuzzies on my drive after the mornings meetings.  Perhaps I wouldn't have gained insight to my past and why I have carried the things forward that I have.

I truly believe that things are best not forced and if you can put yourself on a pedestal of welcoming in all that is meant to welcome you, truly, you can be a much happier person and you can see LOVE in so many more ways with less armor.