The Big Move part 2 November 7, 2019 14:53
We are approaching the one year mark of being Midwesty in about 2 months.
Yesterday was a very emotional and sad day for me and I didn't feel like calling one of my bestie's and rehashing why Ive been in a hole off and on during this big move. I was a little embarrassed by the fact that I was still learning and growing on this big new chapter. In October I turned 52 and felt like 18 still at times as I have struggled with a new identity and unable to hide behind one that Ive hidden behind for a good 11 years and probably another few years before that. The identity was simply "the peace within girl" or "the basketball standout " "Becky " and so with this big move I had to become , Rebecca Dryden Armstrong again , naked and all without said identity. Now I knew deep down that we are not our job titles and there is a lot in the universe that we flow around in. But this move has forced me to unbecome again to become and well Ive been having a darn hard time with it and as my mother warned me...."its like a divorce" to make this big move and go where you do not know anyone etc etc.....
So late yesterday as I struggled in my office and tried to come up with some new art, it just wasn't bearing any fruit and I started to feel anxiety setting in....my heart started racing a bit and so I got up and went to the puzzle table and felt guilty about sitting at home playing with a puzzle and not figuring anything out or where I was going to go next and certainly the universe wasn't going to teach me anything when I was closing off all the good messages.....
So I put in a facetime to my beloved mother in law...Thank God she was available and the waterworks started to fall....not a trickle but a huge wave and my glasses started to fog up and the snots started to drip....and my dog was trying to console me by yanking on my sleeve.... I called her because she knows my husband the best since that is her first born.
My husband too moved from his beloved pacific northwest and he too is trying to establish himself in his new work surroundings and all and the stress of work has him lost in another planet...the planet where you eat together at the dinner table and you look across at your beloved and you have to knock on the door.....hello over there !! are you there ?? can you hear me ???? So i started to tell him about my day and finally blurted it out....I'm lonely ....I see you everyday and our marriage is amazing and I know we are both on the same journey right now but I NEED SOME OF YOUR ATTENTION !! There it was , I pulled the vulnerable , more snots card in fear that he was going to roll his eyes....but he met me with his loving eyes and said ," You know I love you right ???" and I said yes," but we are not connected right now and so I'm hurting a little and just need your attention and then ill be good another few months.... "
So what is the moral of all this ? Well Im growing some more and I want to share with you my story... I am not good at this , going low with the person you love the most but I have never like confrontation and isn't it silly that its easy to have confrontation with aquaintences etc and not with your spouse?? I asked for what I needed and even though I was vulnerable and feeling like crap I was actually taking care of me and my self worth.... and the way I asked it was in a calm sad state but I respected myself enough to ask ! and as much as our loved once dislike the hard conversations or the ones in where we are less confident, they see our strength and find us way more attractive when we are confident and taking care of ourselves.
Back to this whole new chapter. I have been a way better wife and have been filling his needs but what about mine ?? and there has been so much in balance etc because I wasn't taking care of any of my needs and so it was and does come across as needy and low self esteem etc....
Fast forward to today....... This morning I woke up and was done with my workout before 8 am,I'm feeling on top of the world, loved, confident, happy and I'm giving myself more credit. I did my weekly chat with my bestie on facetime and she told me how proud she was that I voiced what I needed for ME. I informed my mother in law that it all went well. We worked out together this am and I feel connected again and moving forward ......will it come up again ? yes ....Will it still be hard navigating this chapter?? Yes....will I keep getting my mojo back and out of the rabbit hole ? Damn straight !!!!
So after my workout I made my coffee and did my reading and of course the universe gave me some more insight and lessons knowing I was wide open to receive.
Ive written before about this and have talked about the importance before with my peace within line....No expectations...meet people where they are at... It has been irking me for some time now when I touched on a few months back about people drawing a line in the sand about who they were going to include in their life and who to toss or get rid of . I was irked by people on facebook saying they were going to leave it all together and really they were just dying for attention and wanting to be drawn back....WELL...its totally okay because we all want to be heard and we all need attention so lets discuss this a little further here before I say adieu...
BOUNDARIES : we have to have them in order to really live . That is my next chapter and sister.....I'm not talking about getting rid of anyone or only surrounding yourself with...blah blah blah........I'm talking about YOU the person who doesn't have boundaries to change the way you move and word your story....the story you keep telling yourself.... It about putting boundaries for yourself...not getting rid of things or people Us ladies who want to be liked or get to a stage where they gave up on people pleasing and still have no boundaries ... We can be more compassionate with ourselves and with others when we keep ourselves out of resentment.
"Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to , and when they say yes, they mean it. They're compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment"
So where I'm going here is I picked up her book , "Rising Strong" because I felt like I'm digging myself out of the rumble and that is what the book is about. Ive read so many of hers but I missed this one.
I just found it so powerful on her chapter on people and how they do the best they can and its so similar to my message of meeting people where they are at and no expectations.... BUT I'm so loving the interpretation of how we don't need to make these dramatic changes that are based in FEAR....we just need the boundaries because they lead to and make one open the jar of self worth and all the ways we sabotage ourselves in our relationships with even the people we love the most and if your married to a good one like mine, its hard for him to see me at my weakest because that is not who he married ....I'm the only one that can get back to my best self though...he can and does love me through it but he or the universe cant love me or move me or inspire me if I don't ask for it .
"How can we expect people to put value on our work when we don't value ourselves enough to set and hold uncomfortable boundaries ??"
In closing ,"boundaries are a function of self respect and love" Dang it shes so good, that Brene .. Be good to yourselves and if you are needing to be heard today....I hear you girlfriends , be vulnerable and ask for what you need and never look back. AND...I'm coming back!! I'm rising out of this hole and im coming for ya !!
Moving on up, the NEXT CHAPTER November 14, 2018 14:46
Wisconsin bound, another chapter of this great life of ours.
So long Coeur d Alene...until we meet again
Everything is happening as it should... July 10, 2018 18:12“I didn’t see my own accomplishment; I saw my Fathers reaction to my accomplishment”
Boundaries or BUST June 12, 2018 19:14
“The only people who get upset when you set boundaries are the ones who benefited from you having none.”
unlearning what you've learned June 12, 2018 13:18"It takes years as a woman to unlearn what you have been taught to be sorry about."
Safety First?? I think NOT... April 17, 2018 16:04I learned that all this SAFETY and shields from our fears are actually nets we throw over our heads
Warm Fuzzies, Girlfriends and Feeling whole January 8, 2018 15:49Maybe all this unbecoming stuff is also full circle moments in which your past relationships or stories bear fruit to teach you how far you have come. Or maybe they translate into a kind of love you can only see when your eyes are open. - Rebecca Armstrong
its just your story.. January 12, 2017 23:49
Today I decided to share a little bit of the peace within "change your story " logo. Our stories that we tell separate us from all the people we meet on a daily basis and all the people that have been in our lives. It doesn't mean we are different than each other or we can put ourselves in a category that is superior or inferior to how we are feeling at this moment in time, they are simply the story we keep telling ourselves but they are not US. This story we tell is just where we are at in this exact moment. You see my friend, you've got to understand that your story is not your identity of who you are its just what you keep telling yourself. That self talk that is sabotaging you and keeping you safe in that little bubble you enslave yourself in. You stay in safety and not deal with your fears or you break away from your story because you have realized that you no longer have a reason to keep wanting this or that your no longer searching for ways to be happy. You've broken the bubble you spent so many years in . You see , the wanting more and the searching for ways and the fixing you've wasted so much time on are simply little decoys of staying in the safety of your bubble story. Stepping outside of your story/identity and revealing who you really are is trust me, its called Happiness. Its not what you thought it would look like, a new job, a new spouse , car , vacation ....it's changing your thinking to the story you've told all your adult life thus far. For some it started in childhood and just kept getting bigger and bigger. Trying for example, "giving FB a break" or not surrounding yourself with bad people, avoiding all things you consider bad for yourself....Its all Fear and Safety and has nothing to do with the people,things, social media you blamed for it, it has to do with YOU and your story.
It truly is amazing when you step out of the story you are hanging on to and identifying yourself with, it truly is amazing the person you become without the fear and shelter you have put yourself in . People have gone so far, including myself,wasting a LOT of time trying to FIX and CHANGE all the bad things you say and do to yourself when really its just that, WASTED time. Life and all the pain we have experienced or may experience is part of what makes you who you are. When you realize that those pains and stories you have told or become are just stepping stones of a POSITIVE direction if only and ONLY when you see it. If you keep adding it as a negative ingredient in your life then it stays as the story you keep adding to. It goes to the crap portion of your ingredient of your story and back to your own safety net. When you figure out its just YOU adding the ingredient and playing victim to your own story, you will then begin to CHANGE YOUR STORY which hence is the message I am here to share. Not because I havn't experienced it myself but because I did and I changed my story. So what I'm saying is , change the ingredients of your story and whip up something less painful and look at it as YOUR LIFE and not your past or your identity. Its the only way that things will "taste" good and you will then feel like you are in your own shoes, made for you at birth. Youll find you are living the life that you want without all the safety and fear ingredients you have stored while telling your same story. If you would like to explore this further I will be opening this up once more in February at my first camp. I have no title of life coach or motivational speaker, I am just telling my peace within story on a t shirt or at a fun weekend getaway :)
The Photo above is of a dear friend Paula sporting our change your story sweatshirt that will be available again soon
Sign up for camp if you wish ,
Camp peace within, the journey and the vision January 4, 2017 21:21
In November of 2016 at the crack of dawn, I headed out for Seattle, WA for yet another Holiday show. Not being much of a morning person, this was new for me to leave at o' dark and watch the beautiful sunrise. It became more therapeutic than I had envisioned but just like 9 years ago, I had another epiphany. I came up with the idea to start a camp, an overnight camp with the first one being winter camp in order to have a possible snowshoe and get out a little and help others to be inspired by nature and of course a new way of sharing the peace within story.
My main goal for Camp on February 24-26th is simply to gather women for a FUN weekend ! A weekend getaway from the day to day life of being stressed and busy...too busy doing things you have to do instead of things you want to do. The weekend is designed of many different workshops. Not your typical retreat you read about, not all crafty and not all serious. My vision is that we be open to a little health workshop, a couple creative workshops where you are simply doing something with your hands and you are completely relaxed. Learn the importance of having hobbies and a feeling of belonging with other women who are either like-minded or just open to new things.
New Years resolutions and all the stress of bettering ourselves is usually short lived and never planned with conviction, and frankly they usually die after a month or two. All these promises we make to ourselves and the promises we never keep are usually based on Fear or failure.
Camp peace within will start with a bloody Mary or simply a big ol smile and excitement. Saturday night will be live music/Sing along, to let you loose and remind you of all those camps Mom and Dad may or may not have shipped you off to. All the events will simply happen to get you to thinking and spending time with yourself surrounded by others in the same quest as you! To take better care of ourselves and simply make a decision to come to camp is telling yourself that you ARE WORTHY and YOU SHOULD DO SOMETHING outside the box you usually lock yourself into !
I hope by sharing my story this weekend along with some other guest speakers that you will then want to change yours because
"nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know"
Camp will be rustic but clean, no makeup required and simply only warm comfortable clothing. You should bring your favorite jeans and that favorite hat and just BE YOU with no strings attached!!
To sign up for Camp while spaces are available click link below