Today was JUST BE. March 23, 2021 16:30
Hey, we had a busy weekend spending time in the joy or organizing our space. When we bought our current house we knew our basement would probably never be turned into another level and we have all our workout equipment and a mini home gym down there mostly for the winter workouts and a "dog run" spot to throw the ball during icy , snowy and rainy days . It was a dump all our stuff room when we had five movers unload a truck of almost 22 years of married life after moving across the country in a heartbeat. Slowly , we have walked half of that "stuff" back up the stairs and have made countless days and loads of drop offs to the local goodwill or friends houses..... WE ARE STILL NOT DONE, BUT OH SO CLOSE!! Also during this time , we've shed stories we've told ourselves, anxiety, denial, old life hobbies and habits . Every time we've climbed those stairs we've either shed sweat, or things or simply to get our steps count on our garmins. Its been fun and it hasn't been easy. Ive felt Joy, triumph , shame, gratitude, laughter, not ready to toss it, creativity, strength and honor in that basement over the past two years and its not a bad place !
There are two Marvin windows down there, the sun and light gets in, so does darkness and dreary days. Today was a designated day of "ME" , no shame , no plan on what to do creatively but simply to sit and see what comes of it. So after I worked out with Ann at Body Logic , I grabbed some food and a coffee, tossed the ball for the kids outside before the rains came and went downstairs.
I kept telling myself as I push to change old habits and the stories I keep telling myself for years . I told myself, LET THE NEW COME IN, the new lifestyle, the one your trying to figure out but keep trying to force .
I was telling myself this. "DO THINGS WITH NO THOUGHT ON THE OUTCOME OR ATTACHMENT TO THE RESULTS "
For so many years , being bought up by a STRONG , Single Mom I was raised to "remember where you put your money bag" at garage sales. "Always have your own money" "never give away your power" Those were the words I lived by and since moving across the country my whole life was turned upside down and Ive spent two years trying to unravel, give up control and listen to what life has to teach me. So today , I had three boxes of butterflies and flowers, ephemera....I'm like , I am not butterflies and flowers but they sure are cute and I can create something with them..... Old thought started to creep in "whose gonna buy this?" "How will you sell it ?" "how much will you price it?" "what if nobody likes it when you don't even like it?" And I caught my old habit, that story of self talk that we do and I kept pressing on , just being creative. Moments of not thinking about anything but how I'm gonna get all this glue off , feeling guilty just doing nothing but art. Again, reset the mind, just BE. JUST ENJOY. JUST TRUST THE JOURNEY IS UNFOLDING.
Now I'm back upstairs , got some water and some nuts, pet the doggies and being gentle with myself. Tomorrow is another day and I may or may not get any answers but I do know for certain, My Joy and Purpose is the love of telling stories that may light a fire in people and hit on human truths for us all. For 13 years I told my stories on t-shirts in hopes you would be inspired to be your best self. The next chapter is unfolding for me and this is MY time , not to tell the stories per say, they seep into the ground and the air sometimes but its my time to just enjoy things for me without having to get from point A to Point B, my time is how many days I get to wake up and love and be loved.
What are you doing with your one and only crazy life???