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"Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness..." Desiderata April 7, 2015 15:16 2 Comments

FEAR.  Lets talk about that big word that is the culprit of well, just about everything!  It has taken a long time to learn this tricky little word and how it seeps into our everyday lives in so many different ways.  I find that a lot of people don't even know it exists or the multitude of ways it encapsulates our whole being and puts us at a standstill. I am in the late part of my 40's and the interesting thing is my business name is aptly called, peace within.  Seven years ago on a bday trip to Vegas my husband and I sat down trying to find a name that wasn't taken and had meaning.  I didn't know the whole meaning to it until I started the journey and the neat thing is, it is my journey and it was started in ways I didn't know.  I had no idea it would teach me about life, people and relationships.  I knew I would learn about fabric and quality of goods, financial planning, dreams, people skills, taking the plunge, travelling etc.  I didn't know it would be the new "fabric" of my life and lead me to this day, this hour, sitting at a coffee shop.  Well that s how life really works and these are the lessons to be had. Back to that big word....FEAR......I am continually being challenged with it and I continue to see how much time we've wasted not knowing it was all just based on Fear. Lately, Ive tackled some big ones.  In December I quit my job of 18 years, it no longer fulfilled my soul or benefitted who I was really supposed to be.  I didn't feel like my authentic self and it took probably the last three years struggling with the decision and basing the decisions off of other people's fears as well as my own. I had to step out of my comfort zone and be a planner, well I'm a spontaneous girl!  These thing require some realistic plans and so with all the anxiety and fears I pulled the trigger. I was tired of being the girl that just lived the 9-5, that wasn't who I was but like everything, it taught and prepared me for this next adventure and for that I am grateful. Back to FEAR, again I am trying to process this so to share with you the readers.  You probably clicked this blog because you know that fear lives in you or your day to day life.  Did you know that it is in every relationship you have ??  Did you know that we are all coming from a place of FEAR or ANGER ?  Well some of you bright minds have already figured this out and acknowledged that it is a part of every decision you make.   A few blog posts ago I wrote about TRIGGERS, it comes back in this post. Social media of all sorts has been posting quotes and sayings of positive or sarcastic notes.  Our times now have changed, people are trying to better their lives.  Everyone wants to be happier, healthier and wise.  You see posts that talk about getting rid of unhealthy people in your life....your growing up and want to weed out relationships that don't fit your needs anymore or ones that "trigger" your past.  Those are the ones that we have much to learn from !!  Are you supposed to shy away from them ?? Yes or NO...The thing you have to ask yourself is....Are you coming from a place of FEAR or LOVE....most times its FEAR or Anger depending on where you at in life or in some cases its an age thing.  Don't get me wrong, some of these are instances where you need to just cut the ties.  My whole point here is RECOGNIZING the triggers in the relationship...it eases so much pain and creates so much understanding which then leads to LOVE.  Everyone is going to protect their hearts and put their walls up, these are based on past relationships and often they started in your youth.  The kind of parents you had, the experiences you had and the past is the past, we don't live there anymore.  However, it is a tool to your future , your now.  After you have forgiven your past and the people you needed to forgive you are on the right Track.   So some examples here....I had a relationship that was really close and spent a majority of time with that one person..a lot of trust issues were broken and I ended up becoming a prisoner of my own home because it was my safe place.  Not to go into many details but I was coming from a place of FEAR even though I didn't do anything wrong, I ended the relationship.  Do I regret it?? not really but we have established a new relationship of some sort and it was a very growing time.   But I was coming from a place of fear because there were a lot of instances in my childhood of lies and not belonging and as I took trust to be a very sacred thing, it really triggered a lot of pain and suffering and to me the trust issues in that relationship had nothing to do with me but I couldn't live with it seeping into my mind and heart.   If it happened now that I'm older and have these tools as we are talking about , I would have recognized the FEAR and not let it effect me emotionally.  It would have been a whole different ballgame.   I would've come from a place of LOVE instead of FEAR and would have had a little more empathy for that person and the relationship.  Being in Control is another form of fear and probably another blog, lets just stick with this for now...lets all remind ourselves when the anxiety kicks in, the emotions are high...ARE YOU COMING FROM A PLACE OF FEAR OR LOVE??   CHOOSE LOVE. CHOOSE LOVE. CHOOSE LOVE.  It all makes things more simpler and happy.  peace within.

What inspires YOU? February 24, 2015 14:36


What inspires me most days is the color of things and sometimes when we don't know it they pop up in our daily lives.  In my peace within office, I have a large, long wire attached across the room full of clothespins and inspirations.  A lot of the stuff hanging is color combos that I want to bring to my clothing line. Oftentimes I forget I'm using the same colors over and over and need to change it up here and there to bring in more choices.

In my new life transition, its only been a couple of months, I have focused on getting my body back and that includes this smoothie everyday!! It inspired me to put the two colors together for my new dog lover t-shirt! .  Oftentimes I'll just go shopping in the weirdest places and sometimes just online to get my imagination going .

Everyone has ways of being Inspired.  I find people and words very uplifting and of course my walks in the northwest bring peace and inspiration also, but sometimes just the towel colors out of the current Pottery Barn catalog will get my juices flowing.

I find it very interesting that many of my artist friends or strangers happen to be the hippest.  I find that they can pull off a great outfit or get away with a really out there combo of stripes and solids or mixing colors that no one else would ever try. Whats also interesting is they are somewhat quirky and weird or downright hilarious!  Oh how I love artist and being one myself!!  I embrace my quirkiness and all my imperfections and so should you!  So don't judge yourself for ordering the same thing every time at the Mexican restaurant, or sometimes only buying the wine with the cool labels....or simply judging a book by its cover?? Embrace the fact that you are so happy with so little, or see the joy in the simple things. Embrace that you can step out of your comfort zones or simply walk in them in those purple shoes or that hideous fabric. You are being YOU and that is OKay!

Now go out there and inspire someone and be inspired, do what you are called to do and step out into the world, quirkiness greendogtempand all !! Life is beautiful, enjoy your peace within!

Nature, Dogs, Friendships and Expectations... February 17, 2015 17:35 4 Comments

image5 Today i missed my yoga class and scolded myself once for missing it again but then that lasted only a min.  I called a friend and said "Lets hit Tubbs Hill! I only have a couple of hours"  So the next best thing on a sunny day in February..... I grabbed Sammy boy my beloved son, and picked up my friend on the way down to the lake for our little trek, workout. She came ready to go, walking stick in hand (really a ski pole, shes practical like that :)) We start walking and hit a sign that says "trail work ahead"....Oh no! you are not gonna stop us in this sunshine...detour....and its just fine.....we come up to my favorite little man-made bridge and stop and take a little photo ( I have a thing for bridges and paths ) (who knew?!) and of course Sammy goes across first and makes sure everything is working just fine.  Keep on trekking and I think to myself, after hearing her make comments like, "I really needed this today." "I'm so happy to tears" and me saying,  "I'm so happy this makes you happy" So as we continued on I was in my element and apparently hers.  It is so refreshing and so much PEACE WITHIN when in nature and just five minutes from my house.  We both talked about how even after so many years for both of us living in the Pacific Northwest or specifically, Coeur d' Alene, Idaho, that we both still feel LUCKY. Even though I have done this walk billions of times, It's still so nice to be with a friend that enjoys it as much as I do.I love that she stops and smells the roses ...AKA stops and takes pictures because after all, sunshine and February and a trail without snow is not usual for this time of the year. But I began to think some more about how we have our relationships of all sorts in our lives and how we feel so much closer to people who are like-minded or like the same things as we do.  Not everyone is going to enjoy the nature walks or stop and "smell the roses" But you can still be an instrument in teaching what makes you feel good and what makes you who you are. You can recognize the beauty in your relationships and be thankful for friends who like some of the things you do. image14....and I got to more thinking earlier this week about, FRIENDSHIPS... There was a great article posted on Elizabeth Gilbert's page about understanding our relationships we have experienced throughout our lives.  It was really interesting that the article talked about how your relationships develop based on your age and life patterns, which form in your first 25 years of life. This has a lot to do with the relationships you built with your parents. Woah nelly, have you thought about that?  IF you stop and think about it you realize the take you have on your relationships based on the first 25 years of your life in the friendship training part of life.  For example, someone who was raped or molested as a child and how their parent took care of that or reacted to that? Not only does that leave scars on people's love life, it leaves a scar on all relationships you make throughout your life.  This can be huge if not dealt with.  Mainly though, it doesn't have to be something big like that to happen to you in order for one to understand their relationships in life with all people. Take someone like me, a woman from a divorced family...we tend to just look at it with our love relationships, the people we marry etc. but it affects your day-to-day relationships with co-workers and friendships also.  I'm not going to navigate into this today but just want it to be something for you to think about. As time goes on after those first 25 years, friend making changes because we have less bonding time in our hectic lives and we are all just living.  We start to mature( in some cases) and we build more self-respect and create higher standards and I hate to say it, EXPECTATIONS.  I'll come back to that in a moment. This article that Mrs. Gilbert had posted was from a WaitbutWhy blog, they had an amazing description of each type of friend there are. I went down the list and laughed a little and could put so and so , including myself, in the allotted categories.  The writing is so brilliant that it made it a fun read because it was so true!!  But, back to expectations...really, we have to drop them!  They just bring us distractions and take us off our "path" .  Things just have to be left alone and let your life flow. I have always been a fixer, thinking I need to get it off my chest or I need to compartmentalized it so there is less anxiety about it. A lot of times when dealing with EXPECTATIONS of relationships and other life stuff,  it usually has nothing to do with us!  Friends are a huge blessing to us and for some people like me, they are FAMILY.  Everyone is growing and trying to make themselves better, those are the friends I keep close to me.  The other friends you meet along the way are also special because they are your learning tools for life.  Say "thank you" when they arrive and depart, they have made you stronger!.  They have made you guarded, they have made you protect your heart, but they don't MAKE YOU PRISONERS!  That is when it becomes your issues, your problems. Anyways, Greet everyone you meet with a smile, treat the waitress like you want to be treated, say "good morning" to everyone on the trail.  That's what I did this am because I was happy and in my element with my dog and a good friend. Life is for the living, get out and be YOU. .image6

What's Love got to do with it?? February 10, 2015 19:53

FullSizeRender-14 Whats love got to do with it?... EVERYTHING!! and it's not just from the one you choose as your partner, spouse, significant other, friend, pet...it takes a little more than that!  You've got to love YOU before you can share the love you are born with as babies.  AND, you have got to NURTURE that love and Water it, take care of it, surround it, preach it....rediscover it time and again! Throughout our lives everyone we meet has a story, or they have let someone else write their story. Oftentimes, I have seen friends and strangers spending so much time on the things that they think will bring them love only to find out that no matter how hard they pursued it, they keep going for more, not knowing that the very thing they seek is already within them but they haven't changed their story.  Some people will wait their whole lives for Love in the form of a relationship because they did not seek the love they find.  They sought it with a closed heart or a blockage that came upon them by someone else and they kept writing that same story until they found out that a new paragraph needed to get written so that the heart wasn't covered up in a padlock of fear. What I'm trying to say here is, if you play the victim of the very thing that hurt you, you will not be ready to love someone or something else until you cross that threshold of being open to love, you've had got to change your STORY.

"Nothing ever goes away, until it teaches us what we need to know " Pema Chodron

I have a great life and a great Husband and dog. It had taken a good portion of our early years to learn to trust in our relationship and he wasn't doing anything wrong.  He stayed the true gentleman that he is and was so patient with me.  HE LOVED me even when I couldn't love myself fully .  You see, I was a child of divorce, there was a lot of abandonment's and I learned to be really stubborn and very independent from a very small age. I built walls around me so that the pain I masked couldn't touch the innermost parts of me... My story was, I didn't feel validated or have a sense of belonging.  Many people and friends took me in and I went with open arms but when I hugged them I held on tight and I gave everything of me without saving anything for myself so I created patterns of love that was sweet and honest but I always came back empty handed in the love for myself. Once I continued to be loved unconditionally by my man and knew it was there to stay, I began to unravel the layers and find comfort in the belonging of my own body and my own thoughts.  The triggers came and went where people and things came and went and I didn't get my validation card punched again.... Slowly I learned that all your love can't come from one person, and they certainly can't come from things.  You learn to accept yourself as you are and not play small to make others comfortable or abide by others fears.  You learn to love the person you've always been and then the joy you find in things will be lovable again because you are holding them with a different perspective than you once did. You enjoy people and things a whole lot more because you learn to respect those that love you more than you'll ever dream, you keep them close.

"Fear is a natural reaction to moving closer to truth " Pema Chodron

FEAR is a big blocker to LOVE...a lot of friends and myself included have wasted many years walking with closed hearts because of triggers and confusion in us that we didn't feel BRAVE or even love ourselves enough to let someone else in... On this Valentines week, lets just be open and let things happen as they should.  Be BRAVE, push FEAR aside and let LOVE WIN!! Have your peace within so you can love yourself enough to LOVE others deeply, and with open arms... Whats Love got to do with it ???  Loving you enough so you can love others!!

Happiness ? Yes! getting away from the distractions... February 5, 2015 15:06 3 Comments

FullSizeRender-8Amazing morning started with a Barre class and a great article with my cup of hazelnut coffee. As I write today I am glowing in my life and how I feel. My dog is close by waiting for his daily walk, the rain doesn't phase me, we walk when we need to walk ! So do you realize that when you are open to your life you "see" things more clearly?  Do you sometimes get a glimpse of it but then lose it altogether once again ?  The reason for this is , you are NOT living your life !  you are living and floating in someone elses! Or you are attached to something that you need to learn and it's not going to go away until you face that fear of the attachment itself .  My last post was about "triggers" and I guess this might be a part 2 in some way but I came across a blog by Dr. Jodi Prinvalli that was posted on Sarah S. blog and woah was the timing perfect!  It was titled, The fine art of Not being offended. Me just going into a huge new life transition and many dog walks with friends, it came to me!  I am open and ready to receive...yes life works this way when you are living your authentic life..!   Okay, I know I need to stay on track... So a huge amount of support and friends , too many to name have poured into my world this past month and then some have been a distraction of some sort and keeping me off my focus on peace within. As the article starts, she teaches how to master this art and be on the road to your own peace within or rather to get back on the bike or horse or whatever you ride into the sunset with :)  "In order to truly be able to see that every statement, action or reaction of another human being is the sum result of their total life experience to date "   Woah nelly ! how true is that of all of us??? and oh how much kinder we should be?? "...the majority of people in our world say and do what they do from their own set of fears, conclusions, defenses and attempts to survive"   shut the front door!  are you writing this down?? :) Most of the things people say whether they mean it or not has nothing to do with us, I thought that was profound and a great way to look at things in a diff light, it is teaching us to be better listeners.  These things are usually said when they were the opposite persons "TRIGGERS" from their childhood or even adult life. Me being a Libra and somewhat sensitive, it has been a lot of time spent on other people's reactions or actions.  I am a fixer and a people pleaser and I have spent so many years stuck in other people's messes or being that loyal friend that held someone elses secrets but never received that loyalty back from those that dropped a bomb.  Who did that hurt most?? ME! Finally learning to read the triggers of your life and a few years of growing up (we are never done) it is now a closer walk to peace within and a journey to enjoy things and people a lot more! The moral of the story is, that we have to stop taking things personal and remember that all the people we meet are "...swimming in the projections and filters of each others life experiences and often we are just the stand-ins, the chess pieces of life which our loved ones have their own built-in reactions"   "Almost every time we get offended, we are actually just in a misunderstanding" Four years ago I came across Pema Chodron, she was an english teacher before she became a monk/nun.  She taught me a lot about attachments and lord did that change everything for me... I am a child of a large family with divorced parents at a very young age and so there are many triggers of abandonment etc in life that seem to creep in every now and then.  They make me the strong woman I am today and they definitely help in learning to detach from the reactions of other people.  As you know we have to remind ourselves of peace within , we will always have down days but growing pains are a big part of life. "When we know that our inherent worth is not determined by what another says, does or believes, we can take the world a little less seriously"  :)  Please let this be your motto everyday and see how much happier we are and how much more peace within we can have.  YOU CAN DO IT !!  Life is really an amazing thing! surround yourself with things that bring you to your happy place and be gentle, very gentle with the lost souls you meet along the way.  Thank you Dr. Prinivalli !

Events February 2, 2015 14:04


the little triggers...do you see them? February 1, 2015 16:33

Its Sunday and I am sitting on the couch with a blanket and some furry paws velcroed to my side leg and the snow is falling a little swiftly and I am thinking....TRIGGERS...  It has nothing to do with my environment currently but everything to do with being aware when you are going through tough times.  I am so loving my new transition in life and currently my blog that I am developing here as we speak.  I find it freeing to put down into words what we have learned in the past and living in the future. Triggers....do you know what they are?? Do you know what I am talking about?  This isn't about Halloween or ghost stories, this is about the things that you suffer from emotionally and sometimes physically for some people.  It's about recognizing why you react or feel the way you do when you are in discomfort, sadness, FEAR.  When you can recognize that you are seeing a TRIGGER then you just say to yourself simply, "it's just a trigger"  and then you take care of yourself gently and forgive yourself for having that thought or feeling versus turning to food, or reacting emotionally and saying something you wish you never said. About two or three years ago I finally recognized the TRIGGERS and look at them in a whole new light now.  I look at them as positive messages, or signs that oh..its just a trigger and then I just move through the day so much more smoothly... So let me give you some examples...A few years back an older friend was telling me, or rather talking to me about her daughter.  And, I've heard this story many many times and I guess that day it just turned into a trigger...but let me explain more in detail.  She had been going on and on in her victim mode of being such a great mother, and provided for her and this and that, all material things she did for her daughter but did she love her conditionally or unconditionally ? Did she tell her how blessed she was to be her mother or how proud she was of her and how far she has come? Did she tell her anything about her greatness instead of about her own thoughts of me me me...or what a chore it was to raise her? NO!  So it kind of raised a TRIGGER in me and I decided to voice my own thoughts and be that daughter that wanted to respond and defend that hurt soul.  I wanted to defend her because I too needed to defend my own.  Judgement growing up and being constantly reminded of all the things you didn't do does not reap happy souls, it teaches us to defend ourselves and put those walls around us... It didn't go over well but the moral of the story is...TRIGGERS...its all just triggers and when you can realize that when dealing with your own daily life and having these moments of feeling weak, fearful or sad, just say to yourself "its just a trigger" of my own relationship with my mother and I don't wish you any harm or whatever you are dealing with its a trigger of something that hurt you in your past. Let me tell you, I have made it my mission to teach when I'm seeing people struggle with the stories they keep telling themselves and when they see that it is a trigger of the past they are more open to letting it past and letting it go "...Be gentle with yourself, you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here ..." desiderata

its the little things.... January 28, 2015 14:51 3 Comments

This morning at my Starbucks meeting with a friend I saw another friend on her bike in the drive thru lane about to purchase her morning cup of joe!  I rushed to my bag to grab my wallet and make her purchase before she got to the window to pay.  Why am I sharing this?? its not for accolades or pats on the back, its to remind you and all of us, its the little things... So I was tickled pink and smiling from my little quick moves and sneakiness and it felt so good to make someone else's day! Now hold on, don't be thinking too much into it. Rather, take a look at yourself, do you feel like your true self when doing nice things ??  Is your soul shining bright? My point here is this whole January I have been aware of the things that make me feel most myself is when I'm doing good or when I am connected with a friend who is like-minded and has soul.  I'm my happy-go-lucky self and I want this feeling all the time....and those are the people you should be spending your time with... " You can always tell when someone is connected to their soul because you love how you feel around them. Its like their soul is persuading yours to shine" Lori Harder, The Bliss Project Do you need to make some little changes in your life ? Big or small, its the little things .....and it's not about paying it forward all the time or at all...its about being happy inside, having those little moments where your heart and soul are connected with your eyes and heart.