I am Woman here me ROAR....My Ironman Journey June 12, 2016 12:51

So a year ago I got a trainer who has been a friend for the whole time we have lived in Coeur d Alene, He was my first spin instructor and my friend Teresa was the person that got me to sign up for the race.  You see, I was going through some big, tough life situations where I was not feeling myself and definitly in a mid life crisis of some sort and I sorta let myself go.  I had quit crossfit and was hindered by my own injuries, actually they consumed me and became my excuse or rather my fear of moving forward or taking care of myself.   I got the trainer to get my life back and a few months later I signed up for the half ironman.  I am truly a person that believes that life happens as it should and I also can be seen as getting into the emotional side of things or the fantasy or , I cant think of the right word but I get into the nostalgia side of things or full circle of life and that may make others roll their eyes but it is fine with me .   So, I started to see old friends come back around and I started to see a glimpse of my old self come back but truly as you read more you will see that it isn't my identity, being a triathlete.  It is just a time in my past that I had a glimpse of my old self in where I liked who I was at that time and I liked how my body worked and how it looked and so I was in search of that again.   Ironman, any Ironman is a bit extreme to put yourself in a place like that but for me its kinda the way I have always worked things out and that is THE HARD WAY....It comes from how I grew up or just being one of those "hard on yourself, I am my worst enemy" kinda person, yup that's me .   Anyways, its two weeks away from race day and my body is still intact, a bit beat up but I am ready in my mind and hopefully physically ready.  You see , I didn't have a coach that gave me a list of all the workouts and really he kinda has just been on the ride with me and unbeknownst to me I kinda just took a leap of faith with him and he trains a lot of hard core people but I think he saw something in me and just got on the plane with me on my journey.   Basically he has spent time running a turtles pace with me when he is ten times faster and all the accountability has been what is the best part.  I have done what he asked, I have flipped the bird, I have cried numerous times but no one has known my inner thoughts or what I have learned through this.  I am telling you now, I have lost 20 lbs, that was my first goal, I may or may not reach my second goal and that is okay, this isn't an ironman race this is just LIFE, I made it about a race but its my life and my journey.  I am telling you, when you fall in love , no matter how many years ago, you kinda lose yourself a little and although I have been married so many years this isn't my first time of reflection on it and its not a blog today about love but its about how we just lose a bit of ourselves on our journey to find who we really are or just the life we are living.  I signed up for this race to get my inner fierceness back and I learned that we don't ever lose that consciously but unconsciously we do lose it a little and I have been told its just part of getting older.  I will always be strong no matter what but it will be a entirely different picture in my head.  My goal this year was simply to not have to explain a "NO" answer about everything.  I have wasted so many years defending my heart and soul and trying to make everything look good all the time and the energy and emotions that go along with that has clearly made me carry a lot of extra baggage on this old broad body.  So , I'm getting a little off track with this trying to explain, My intention is I feel I found the golden ticket in learning from this year that the pursuit of finding your true self is simply how life works and the purpose of our journeys and it can show up in crazy ways, Yes I will hopefully be an Ironman before I turn 50 but its not who I am its just a crazy way of telling my story, its like a cleansing of some sort, I put my body to the test, I dealt with friends being so supportive and not being able to rely on some in the training but that is nothing against them, it was simply a positive and a way to keep me on track that this is for me and I have to be a bit selfish and just take care of me, this is my race. The writing on the wall of life comes in many facets and in different ways for everyone this is just the ride I chose to take.   Finish line or not, I got it, I changed my story and made a t shirt with that message on it for my business and simply tommorrow is another day.  This bike course is really the hardest part of the race physically for me.  The hills are quite long and I have ridden some training rides on it and I found myself singing out loud, my friend Kathy sings out loud and so I thought I would do the self talk to wash out the negative on that first course training ride and I havnt stopped.  Again a full circle moment, I grew up with a single mom and during the Helen Reddy days, I am Woman.  So yes this song is my motto and it will get me to the finish line and it is constantly on my lips and in my head..." I am woman hear me roar see my standing door to door, as I spread my loving arms across the land....and Ive come back even stronger, not allowance any longer, more determined to achieve my final goal! Oh yes I AM STRONG, I AM INVINCIBLE and I AM WOMAN!!" See ya on race day peeps , thanks for reading